Can I be honest? If you look up what a “yes man” is I am almost certain my picture would pop up. Although my reasons are genuine, I am the queen of people pleasing. I will give someone my absolute last before I think about myself, and I had finally gotten to a place of pure exhaustion. People pleasing truly takes more energy than me waking up every morning before work to hit the gym.
Can I be even more honest? Some people closest to me love that I am a people pleaser until I am no longer pleasing them. I have lost numerous friends because I didn’t do or say or be what they wanted like I usually would do. It is amazing how great of a friend I am until I pull back on all the energy I am pouring in them. Drained from loving everyone around me more than I love myself, I sometimes shift energy in attempts to figure out what it is I am doing wrong. How is it that I am putting forth so much effort to make everyone around me happy and I am still unhappy myself? Even worse, how can I do all this to make them happy and they still find a reason not to be? Why can they not see that I need all the things I am giving them? So DRAINING!!!!
I have always taken pride on having so many very close friends, more then the average person, but I am now sorting through the real friends and the opportunists. While in this new season of selfishness, I can see more clearly those close friends who were close to keep check of my progression just to see how it can benefit them. My mother tried to warn me of these people when I was a child and I would get so frustrated because I didn’t see it! I have always contributed my abundance of deep personal relationships to my personality and ability to get along with just about anyone. But, now I see it so clearly! I see those friends who point out how I do too much for this and that person, but continue to allow me to pour into them without once trying to figure out what happens when I am empty. It is so obvious the people who walked away full leaving me thirsty for exactly what I just gave them.
Can I get a refill of love?
Can I get a refill of attention?
Can I get a refill of reassurance?
Can I get a refill of time and effort?
Can I get a refill of money?
CAN I GET A REFILL?
Inspired friends please understand that if you are not full of self-love, you can’t give what little you do have to someone else. The moment I realized that not everyone will appreciate and reciprocate my love language, I started by providing it to myself FIRST. Imagine if you did for yourself half of what you have been doing for everyone else! I have been so full of peace, so full of hope, so full of love, and so full of pure joy and my circumstances have not changed in the least bit. Do not sell yourself short and give to others what you so rightfully deserve. Sometimes we have to check ourselves and realize what it is that we do to aid in stunted growth and healing. I am not proud of my allowing people to use me, but I can not act as if I am the victim and I did not willingly empty myself in fear that if I did not I would not have anyone.
The crazy part is that by me only pouring into others when I am full and waiting on God and myself when needing to be refilled, I could not be happier! This is one of the major keys to self-love. I do not sit on my phone as much as before. Those moments that I am feeling low, I get on my knees and pray. Those moments I need reassurance I stand in the mirror and I tell myself girl YA LOOK GOOD! I am choosing my own happiness over the happiness of others which includes saying no to going out. I may not respond right away if I receive a text sent during my reading time. If there is an event happening on the East coast and it is more of a hassle to get there, I am simply just saying no I can not make it. The real friends are still around and they not only have not noticed but they do not mind and it is simply because these are the friends who never NEEDED me to do the most to please them.
Join me inspired friend! It is time for your refill!