Okay lets talk relationships! I talk a lot about the past but one area in my present life that I work hard on daily is my ability to not let my current relationship status define me. Yes I am 27 (soon to be 28). Yes I am single. I have been single majority of my adult years with one failed relationship between myself and my high school sweetheart, that started many years after high school. Outside of that I have had numerous encounters with men who to this day prefer I be a secret. If you read my last post “I labeled myself?”, then you already know that I once concluded that I have been unsuccessful with relationships because I am too much of negative characteristics and simply not enough positive ones to deserve love. Well, I have FINALLY found a way to be okay with being a single successful woman in my late 20s. I am in no rush for a romantic relationship, but I fully understand why so many at this age are. Lets explore the three biggest struggles I have had with my relationship status and how I have managed to get to a better place with them!
- IS IT ME??? This question has been haunting me since the first time I thought my little heart was broken my freshman year of college. I had me a little boo I liked from around the neighborhood. He was fresh out of a relationship and had me feeling real special with our increased interactions. It did not matter to me that he spent most of our conversations discussing the issues he had with his ex. I was doing everything I thought a woman was supposed to do to get and keep her man and one day he just stopped talking to me. Fast forward to today, him and his then ex are married. How foolish I felt in that moment. I blamed his disappearance on myself; being very unkind to me and unwilling to admit that I was dealing with a man who had no room for me because he was already in love, and that is okay. Instead of just accepting that he was not the one for me I continued to beat myself up about it until I entertained another situationship. For years I blamed the end of unhealthy relationships on the fact that I should not be loved or cherished. Who would cherish this overly emotional, physically unfit woman? Accountability and self check is important, but when I look at the entire relationship I can see all the signs that lead to the point of us no longer working out. In no way were any of them related to me being undeserving of love. I can logically state this, however I still struggle with initial thoughts of not being enough to this day. I am a work in progress! Try not to beat yourself up while growing out of unhealthy lifestyles and mindsets. It truly takes time.
- ARE MY STANDARDS TOO HIGH? I know I am not the only one who deletes and re adds dating apps to my phone every other day. I entertain one message and find myself disappointed in the quality of men who decide to express interest almost immediately! I started to question my standards about one year ago, wondering if I needed to scale back on what would qualify a man to be a candidate for dating. However, I have come to the conclusion that I DESERVE what I desire out of a man. I am dating to find my husband and no longer for the immediate gratification of my ego. I no longer need a man to make me feel beautiful or loved. My daily affirmations do that for me now. The reality is that I have a lifestyle that not every man who finds me cute can live due to difference in financial status, religious beliefs, etc. If I take myself out to dinner at least once a week I deserve a man who can do the same with me or more. Since I am the child of a preacher, I can not be with someone who is not spiritual. If that man does not come for another ten years, which I doubt, I will never settle for less than I know I deserve. Notice I have not once mentioned I am interested in finding a man who brings to the table far more. I am just unwilling to accept far less.
- HOW DO I FIND SATISFACTION IN MY CURRENT RELATIONSHIPS? Not too long ago me and my friend went to our monthly spa date and discussed the true issue with being single at this age. She is the inspiration for this post. She stated ” we have to sit and evaluate if our platonic relationships are equally as satisfying as the romantic relationships we seek.” I had an AHA moment almost immediately! I am so blessed to have many great friends on both the East and West coast. These women are the water and sunlight to my personal growth. I do not have to wonder if I am loved or special to someone. My friends. My family. They continue to affirm that I am beautiful, I am deserving, I am special, I am dope. I find this satisfaction in the late night conversations with my best friend. I find it in the prayers of my mother, the laughter with my west coast group of friends, the visits from my brother, the random father daughter conversations, the group chat with my aunts and grandmother, and the positive feedback from my blog readers. I am so full. I feel so whole. How could I ever question my worthiness with so many who make a point to tell me how worthy I am daily.
My dear readers, no matter your relationship status, if you are questioning if you deserve love I am sending you so many hugs through this post! If nobody else says it, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, YOU ARE LOVED, YOU ARE SPECIAL. Your current romantic relationship status does not define you. That ability to put a smile on your face on your worst days, the way you check on your family, the hard work you put in at your job, those are the things that make you so special. There is only one you in this entire world. You are meant to be here. You have purpose.
Cheers to US continuing to find the SWEET SATISFACTION in US!
If you feel like you are tired of fighting and can not go on, know friend that you are loved and you are needed on this Earth to fulfill a purpose that only YOU can.
Whatever you are struggling with, you don’t have to go through it alone. A lifeline is available 24/7 at 1800-273-TALK (8255).