I always mark the new year as the beginning of a new journey. I imagine myself preparing to take off towards more success and most importantly more healing. This year, 2019, is shaping to be the biggest journey yet. Last year, I dealt with daddy issues, low self-esteem, and once again starting a new job in a brand new state with brand new people. I cried A LOT last year. I prayed even more. I wrote about my healing. I opened up about my suicidal ideation and I made it a full year without feelings of wanting to leave this earth. So, if you have been watching my growth you may wonder how this year can already be shaping to top my journey last year. Then again, if you have been following me you already know that I ended the year with a few visits to emergency rooms and in hospital beds. In November, I found out that my right lower lung has collapsed because my weight has been putting pressure on it. I spent the rest of last year coping with something that came with major lifestyle changes. No more hookah ever? I can’t smoke anything??? How on earth will I cope in 2019??? Not this weight loss shit again. I am so sick of before and after collages. Diets make me sad I want to just LIVE!!! It is amazing how changes intended to help me live feel like the total opposite. After some pep talks with God, though, 2019 living is exactly what I plan to do. I have no choice now but to faith it. I have no choice but to figure out environmental stressors and triggers with a sober mind. I can’t sleep depression away. I can’t smoke anger away. So, you see 2019 is about to be a journey to the healing that I actually have been praying for.
My flight this year is starting off very rocky! Finding out I am not as healthy as I always have been had me thinking about what to do if turbulence increases and I literally and figuratively need additional support to breath. I have to work on HoneyBee Inspired the business and nonprofit, on certifications for my Nurse Honeybee career, read more, exercise, change eating habits, and still be there for all my loved ones like I have been in the past. I can not help someone else breathe if I do not secure my oxygen mask first. That statement that is literally made before every plane takes off is such an important theme of my January 2019. I have found my passion of witnessing the healing of other people being equally as fulfilling as my career that pays the bills. But, as I continue to find new ways to reach out to tell my story and help people work through past and present traumas, I have to remain tapped into myself.
It is so important that each and every one of us take a “time out” and check in with how our mental and physical health and wellbeing is doing. Do not get caught up in doing so much to keep up with what someone else appears to be doing that you forget to take care of your authentic self. Take great care of the you without a filter, the you without make up, and the you without friends and significant others around this year. Stay close to that you that needs you the most. Do not lose sight of her/him. Make sure that you can breathe!
Making sure my mask is secured first will look like self-care Sundays. I will write more content and share more of the journey towards a destination that I can not fully see yet. I am drinking more water. I am exercising 3-4 times every week. I am putting my phone on do not disturb after work and stepping away from my social media. I am not always responding to messages I receive that upset me. I am checking in with myself mentally and emotionally before spending time helping a friend or family member fix their problems. I am affirming. I am crying when it gets hard (It is okay to cry). I am celebrating the small wins. I am looking towards myself and my own growth for inspiration. I am telling myself how proud I am of me. I am letting go of toxic relationships I once thought I would never be able to live without. I am learning. I am growing.
Join me this year on this journey as I continue to tackle daddy issues, relationships, mental health, self-esteem and healing. Welcome to flight #2019. Prepare for take off.