Yesterday I had my first 90 minute massage. I’m kind of bragging but there is a little lesson in it too so stay with me. This is not me about to share a cliche message about what happens when you treat yourself (BUT FOR REAL TREAT YO’SELF!). This is not me sharing excitement about being able to afford a 90 minute massage either. I have said that I was going to increase my monthly massages for over 2yrs, but I never did. I was saying to myself GIRL just get the usual. Why you want to change the routine? Wait until your next annual raise. Wait until you have met your husband and then have him treat you to that. Matter fact just wait until after kids. You don’t even have no kids and you talking about 90 WHOLE MINUTES?!!!! But yesterday I just said do it girl, you work hard stop holding yourself back. Let me tell you, that additional 30 minutes hit different!!!! It was in that last 30 minutes that this blog was written. It was an additional 30 minutes I’d been unable to pick up my cell phone and scroll down a timeline of fake happiness. For 30 additional minutes, I laid on that table mindful of every muscle rubbed. I felt my heart rate decrease and my circulation increase; letting go of the days stress with every exhale and inhaling a self love that feels so good it makes me emotional (even now). I felt a feeling of high esteem I’d been waiting to manifest for years while watching every tear drop hit the floor so intently I could hear it! It was in this moment that I thought FINALLY, I FEEL SEEN…..BY ME!
I realized in that moment that I have been doing this a lot lately, listening to myself, loving on myself, allowing myself to be as great as I have always been and treating myself like the dope ass being that I am!!! I just be taking up space in this world and going for everything I deserve, and I deserve ALOT. I really been out here addressing my toxic behaviors and walking away from anything that does not serve me with no fear of loosing. I can even look back at old heartache and find the beauty in the lesson!
To all my loyal followers and oldest of friends, you know my story. You probably can tell it better than I can. While it has been so important to share my then, I find it to be equally as important and inspiring to talk about my NOW. I have no question that it was essential I endured every single trial and uncomfortable to down right terrible situation I have made it through. Even the story of my parents coming together and conceiving me is one that shows how bad I needed to get here in this body with this mind. I have made so much progress on my journey of knowing exactly who I am and just being her unapologetically. I want to share this part with you now. The part where I watch for my lessons. The part where I ask myself why I enjoy unhealthy habits and make myself do the work for the answers. This is where the real work begins. This is where my growth is. This is where I hope for you to get. This is where I jump, arms stretched open, willing to learn how to fly and unafraid of falling or of the storms that may occur while in the air! The truth is I know I will never fall too far. I know no storm is stronger than me. I finally see the power I have always had.
My hope for you is that you will see your power. You are amazing and there are people who already see it. Tap into your village! Become more aware of how amazing your temporary vessel that houses your soul, your beautiful one of a kind soul is. You just be out here breathing and shit. That is an incredibly dope thing your body is doing even when you’re on autopilot! That thing last year that you thought you would not make it through, YOU MADE IT. That job is stressful, but you work hard and you deserve to celebrate that! You been doing all this self care. You been following your dreams! No matter your financial circumstances, you been holding it down!!!! I might not know you but I know you are incredible, that is why the world specifically needed 1 you. The only thing in the way of you being the best version of you is YOU seeing you!
I FINALLY see me, so I know I have so much more power I will soon tap into. Shai Mercedes speaks that into existence.